Baby Worries

The surprising news is that I'm pregnant--but the bad news is that I can't get my hopes up yet...

Last Wednesday I got a test to ensure I was not pregnant before going to see the doctor for ovarian pain and a late period. Much to my surprise, it was positive. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I didn't feel pregnant. Not like the last time. I don't feel sick, I don't feel anything--except cramping and exhaustion.

The doctor told me to go to the emergency room to get an ultrasound b/c the clinic doesn't have one, so I did. Eight hours later, we had a negative urine test, a positive blood test, and an ultrasound that showed nothing out of the ordinary. Just a 4mm speck where the baby might be. They could not rule out an ectopic pregnancy, but I felt fine, so we went home.

Over the weekend, I adjusted mentally to the idea of having another one. Well, another baby isn't what I was having to come to terms with; it was going through pregnancy again, so soon. (Well, not that soon.) I was finally adjusted when the clinic called today and said they got the info from the hospital and that the doctor is concerned because my hCG levels are too low for what they should be (should have been closer to 2000, but they were at 81). Tomorrow I will give another blood sample, to be sent to the big hospital in Bethesda. Then I'll have to give another one the next day. After they get the write-ups, we'll know if it's truly going to turn out to be a baby or if we're going to lose it.

Just thinking that makes me cry.

I shouldn't be so upset. I mean, it hasn't been a reality for even a week yet, and one of my friends lost hers at 14 weeks, which had to have been more traumatic that this could be. But it's still sad and scary.